ABANDON HOPE OF: SATISFACTION, REFUNDS OR DEATH WITH DIGNITY
Sunday, August 1, 2010
APROPOS OF NOTHING
I've always been a bit of a sucker for puns. Wrote loads of them in bygone days (before the age of powered flight) but gave up the practice years ago. Mine were usually short -- shorter than the traditional 'Feghoot'.
This morning over coffee, I wrote the following:
A man is stopped by airport security. He is pulling a dead kangaroo. Stuffed inside the unfortunate beast's pouch are a shaving kit, a laptop computer and a change of seedy looking undergarments.
"What the hell is all this?" demands the chief of security.
The man replies: "Just my carrion luggage, sir."
Thank you. You're a wonderful audience. Please drive safely.
1.1 Diners shall have the right to refuse a stomach pump. 1.2 There is no Right 1.2 2.1 Diners shall have the right, duty and obligation to pay in full. 3.1 See Right 2.1 3.2 to 5.5 These Rights have been removed by the Kitchen Staff.
DR. HUGO Z. HACKENBUSH
LUNCH COUNTER DIETICIAN
THE DINER'S BILL OF RIGHTS, Sections 5.6 to 7.4
5.6 Diners have the Right to tip generously. Neglect of this Right shall be at the expense of the Diner's desire to leave. 6.3 This is essentially a re-wording of 5.6 6.4 Diners are encouraged to use the washroom facilities, especially on All-Fibre Tuesdays. However, 'Floaters' must be removed. 7.4 Bread sticks are not a meal. And although they are provided free of charge and in abundance, there is a limit to Llewellen's tolerance.