ABANDON HOPE OF: SATISFACTION, REFUNDS OR DEATH WITH DIGNITY
Thursday, February 3, 2011
EGYPT
You'd think that the more ancient the civilization, the more likely were its constituents to have 'got it right' by now. But getting it right can have a million -- or a billion -- definitions.
Perhaps the only thing history can teach us is that evolution is a process that proceeds in the dark.
You bought an antenna, nailed it to your roof, and sucked in two channels of gorgeous black & white TV.
Milk was delivered to your house -- by a fucking horse.
And everyone brought a metal lunch box to school. Mine had The Lone Ranger and Tonto on the front.
Llewellen, Your Waiter
THE LUNCH COUNTER'S EMPLOYEE HEALTH PLAN
DR. B'S 'THIS DAY IN PERSONAL HISTORY'
June 27, 1965
On this day (as with most days in the 1960's), I was out looking for tail. And despite the lack of extant documentation, I can say with absolute certainty that I didn't find any.
1.1 Diners shall have the right to refuse a stomach pump. 1.2 There is no Right 1.2 2.1 Diners shall have the right, duty and obligation to pay in full. 3.1 See Right 2.1 3.2 to 5.5 These Rights have been removed by the Kitchen Staff.
DR. HUGO Z. HACKENBUSH
LUNCH COUNTER DIETICIAN
THE DINER'S BILL OF RIGHTS, Sections 5.6 to 7.4
5.6 Diners have the Right to tip generously. Neglect of this Right shall be at the expense of the Diner's desire to leave. 6.3 This is essentially a re-wording of 5.6 6.4 Diners are encouraged to use the washroom facilities, especially on All-Fibre Tuesdays. However, 'Floaters' must be removed. 7.4 Bread sticks are not a meal. And although they are provided free of charge and in abundance, there is a limit to Llewellen's tolerance.
4 comments:
It doesn't matter how ancient the civilisation is. A baby learns from the living not the dead.
Ancient myself (and nearly dead), I'm still teaching. Bridging the gap, I call it.
Oh, I say old chap. What's that in the distance there?
Why, it appears to be a gigantic yellow Lego construction.
Golly good. I command we shall build an outhouse.
Jon: Build what you like. But you're always welcome to park your arse (existentially speaking, of course) on Francis's. It's heated and padded.
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