ABANDON HOPE OF: SATISFACTION, REFUNDS OR DEATH WITH DIGNITY
Sunday, November 7, 2010
A ROUND ABOUT WAY OF STATING THE BLOODY OBVIOUS
I just finished watching an English video called 'The Riddle'. As the title might suggest, it was a mystery. Entertaining enough. A bit over the top. Something like its star, Vinnie Jones. (That's Vinnie on the left, applying the squeeze to The Great Gazza in bygone days.) These days, if all you had to go on was this old photograph, you'd still be able to pick Vinnie out of a crowd. Not so much Paul Gascoigne... the squeezzee. The lad has encountered some turbulence of late. Well, for the past twenty years or so. Probably longer. You'd be hard pressed to pick him out of a police lineup.
To say that Paul Gascoigne remains one of the best footballers of his generation isn't really a stretch. But that's the trouble. The remains began appearing long before they should have done.
As I scan the landscape from the seniors' lounge of our unstoppable meat-rendering train, I guess I'm saying that we could all have done more with our gifts.
In my case, it went down hill when I lost the ability to fly... or to make much sense on Sunday nights.
1.1 Diners shall have the right to refuse a stomach pump. 1.2 There is no Right 1.2 2.1 Diners shall have the right, duty and obligation to pay in full. 3.1 See Right 2.1 3.2 to 5.5 These Rights have been removed by the Kitchen Staff.
DR. HUGO Z. HACKENBUSH
LUNCH COUNTER DIETICIAN
THE DINER'S BILL OF RIGHTS, Sections 5.6 to 7.4
5.6 Diners have the Right to tip generously. Neglect of this Right shall be at the expense of the Diner's desire to leave. 6.3 This is essentially a re-wording of 5.6 6.4 Diners are encouraged to use the washroom facilities, especially on All-Fibre Tuesdays. However, 'Floaters' must be removed. 7.4 Bread sticks are not a meal. And although they are provided free of charge and in abundance, there is a limit to Llewellen's tolerance.